MY TURN-ON WILL BE REJECTED

"You're too sexual", he said,

After I told him I wanted more sex in our connection.


He was my first experience of partnered sexuality, and I wanted to dive deeper into the exploration.


I remember laying in bed beside him, watching him sleep, having snuck up to his room from mine, at a cottage our families rented for a summer's week.


I watched his tender sleeping face,

His stomach slowly rising and falling.


I felt my body move into desiring him -- not so much Desire, as Dissolving.

Receiving.

Opening to ALLOW him.

Wanting to melt into this YES.


I was young and afraid and knew I should not have been in his room,

So before I could wake him I disappeared through the door, like nothing had happened.


It was a couple weeks later that he spoke those words to me,

after I told him what I needed more of.


A couple weeks after that I walked away from our relationship.


And yesterday,


Over a decade later,


Sitting on my balcony and feeling my turn-on pulse through my body,

The turn-on that speaks Liquid Fire and Opens into Connection,


I was awash with The Wound.


The Wound which I hadn't realized,

all these years,

was festering below the surface.


The template that says:


Your turn-on will be rejected.


And as I peered inside the bedroom to see my husband's feet propped up peacefully on our mattress,

I let it wash over me.


I welcomed the realization of this place within me.


You're too sexual.

You can't always have what you want.

You want too much.

Your ideas are too big.

You can't have it like THAT.

Don't ask for more.

Just be happy with what you have.

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NO.

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Every teacher that ever rejected my creative bending of the rules.

Every authority that ever told me to stick within the lines of "how it's done".

Every person that has succumbed to thinking life is LESS or NOT or NEVER.

Every complacent dreamer who has ever told me that "I'm lucky".

Every limiting belief that glazes the possibilities of this life with a heaviness and dread.


NO.


Turn-on is a state of life,

A perspective on the world,


It is visionary leadership which KNOWS that MORE is not only possible for our world, it is AVAILABLE, now.


Turn-on,

Desire,

Create,

Invite,

Imbue,

And do it Your way, guided by your inner YES.


An allowance,

Of Divine Penetration,

To the very core of your being.


Holy Worthy before and without any human validation.


The BIGNESS of your YES to life.


The TENACITY of your vision that highlights all the REAL, WILD POSSIBILITIES of this glorious existence.


What would happen if you let your turn-on loose upon the world?

Upon your work?


What would you say YES to?


As a visionary entrepreneur,

As a financially wealthy creator,

As a yummy Soul embodied on this planet,


What do you Yearn for?


To merge Business AND Pleasure,

Send me a PM.

I have a 1:1 journey available. Is it for you?

Anna LozaComment